At 37, I Live With My Parents—And I’m Winning at Life
At 37, I live with my parents — and I am not ashamed. As a millennial, I am reluctant to get married or have children, which delays my homeownership. I am honestly trading in the burden of a mortgage and clutter for the simplicity of life and the freedom of not being owned by a bank.
Society says I have ‘failed’ adulthood. Here is why they are wrong.
The desire to own property seems embedded in the national psyche. And since people treat property as a commodity, the majority of millennials fly in the face of consumerism. We millennials are not just avoiding home purchases — we are entirely rewriting the rules of spending. We opt for a meaningful life experience rather than buying new stuff. To me, living a meaningful life is about creating, sharing, and capturing memorable moments.
Moreover, there doesn’t seem to be any great appetite for owning a backyard because I personally embrace renting as a lifestyle. I’ve already liberated the word tenant from the idea of ‘dead money.’ This approach brings a lot of benefits — freedom to live wherever I want for a short period of time, flexibility in changing jobs, openness, and readiness for new challenges and life experiences.
Another reason for staying with parents as a grown-up is the fact that the bulk of us, the current 30- to 40-year-old cohort, started their careers during the financial crisis and early stages of the recovery. This was when the economy and labor market were fragile. As for me, my career path is nothing like as straightforward as has been expected. I have already worked as a choir singer, nail artist, legal adviser, concertmaster, teacher of English, and lastly, writer. In my early 20s, I was left with the situation where I needed to figure out what to do with my life, not to mention saving any money because I literally earned peanuts. It was galling that my vacations were staring at my fridge, wondering if a ketchup packet counted as dinner. Back then, my favorite joke was that I could not afford having children or even a cat because I could barely keep MY head above water.
To cap it all, I am not quite sure that I’ve fully mentally separated from my parents. Yes, of course, I now can live independently physically and financially, but life has its funny way of leading me on the path that best fits me. Now, living with my mom again, I see our relationship from a new perspective. What I am doing right now is healing my inner child — those patterns that I adopted when I used to believe every single word that my parents said to a little “me.” At 37, I CAN revisit my emotions, reframe my mindset, and change my attitude towards my parents’ words and reactions. And I really appreciate this time because I feel that it liberates me to truly live my life.
How then to adjust to living at home in your 30s?
1. Adopt the f**k it attitude and accept you are on this path for a reason.
Remember that current circumstances are intended to lead to your growth and fulfilling outcome. Your job is to find out what these circumstances have been trying to tell you.
2. Do your utmost to heal your inner child and untangle yourself from enmeshment.
Write your wins. Read it every time you feel doubts or embarrassment about yourself. It will help you believe in your ability to handle challenges and make good decisions down the line. Become an active observer of your negative thoughts and patterns that may well be holding you back, and challenge them.
3. Learn to parent yourself as an adult.
Don’t be afraid of starting your life from scratch. Experiment with what you like doing, pursuing your dreams. Now it is you who is entitled to give yourself permission to do whatever you want if it is reasonable and appropriate. Now it is you who is responsible for your well-being.
4. Gain financial independence.
Gradually reduce your financial reliance on the “bank of Mum and Dad.” Use cash envelopes for specific spending categories to reach financial stability. Create multiple income streams. Don’t forget to pay yourself first.
If you’re also ‘failing adulthood’ by society’s standards, let’s laugh about it in the comments.